Friday, October 21, 2011

Bday bumps

Bday makes the world realize how old you are becoming. Sometimes the dearth of maturity is alarmed by this birthday and the gifts. Gifts like ‘pencil-eraser, pencil with in-built eraser’ in kindergarten would mean us a lot. ‘Hero pen’ in our 2nd standard means a lot to us, when we got the first promotion of transformation from using HBs to Ink pen. I was arduously expecting my 2nd std so that I can use Hero pen, splash ink on THE GIRLS during every examination hall and after last exams.

Every kindergarten and primary classes have two categories of guys, Cool guys – hard core guys

The cool guys splash diluted ink or sometimes ink with lemon so that the dirt can be easily washed away. The hard core guys splashed ink along with juices from banana tree and its other products to make the stain indelible on THE GIRLS proving their bravery to the class.

Toppers make an exception leaving them undisturbed. Complaining-gals, less scoring gals, gals who don’t share their tiffin boxes were given additional shots.

The ‘Harry potter posters’ in 6th standard, 'football' in 7th, 'Hercules thriller' in 9th…. and ….. the greeting card with ‘open with a :)’ tag in the adolescence. Gifts are not only meant for making our birthday special, rather they form the nitty-gritty of our nostalgic memories.

Bday bumps are exclusively bestowed for all hostélites of boarding school as it was the only means of entertainment for us. Bumps to birthday guys were like medicine feed to a growing child for his/her well being. The birthday eve ….

Mission search and rescue: Every birthday baby (baby is the word coined for every birthday buffalo) have their hide out half and hour prior to the midnight in any possible place of the hostel, such as – under cover of any room that has no connection, store room , stair case, toilets of some other floor. The search and rescue mission starts at quarter to 12. The team will be divided into two as the alpha team and beta team.

Alpha team - with lots of friends who dare to knock other’s doors in the middle of the night and sneak under their bed and closets.

Beta team – who can jump the walls of any heights and can heartlessly bang every single toilet until they hear a different voice. If the victim remains silent for a while then the beta team would dare to jump in (with the hope of expecting decency in return) and rescue the baby for the ‘Operation bumps’.

Operation bumps: Every single katas, punches, kicks, knocks, slippers, brooms and other auspicious accessories would bless the baby, testing all his spare parts.

Mystery behind the bed sheet: (author disclaims responsibility for any unwanted excitements, the title creates) The thinner most bed sheet is used to cover the baby after his warm up. Like in the ‘karate kid’ the baby would be given a Shot-in-all directions training program to improve his reflexes. Pillows and towels were used in this juncture.

Shower: After extensive warm up and other abdominal exercises the baby would be take for a shower.

Now the baby becomes a test piece for all laboratory experiments. Detergent powder from every room, unused tooth paste of some tidy legends, dates, fruits, and whatever available would be mixed to a true solution. Now this true solution is diluted and made into several buckets. The pooja starts with guys splashing it all over the baby celebrating like rituals. This ceremony would go up to 2 pm or until the baby attains Mukthi Nilai, whichever is further. 

It was the time we felt relieved from all our board exam tensions and boarding school stress.

Now we got split into several pieces. Some of the guys who threw sand on my bday cursing ‘happy bday da, intha saavu’ with those oxymoronic anxious statements became doctors, beta team guys as engineers, a few as assistant film directors, DRDO, Army, Navy, Managers…....

Punch of the blog:
                   birthdays are iterative, but
                     bumps are indelible.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


Opening scene has an Ad stating “ Smoking is injurious to health”, “do not spit in theatre”, “All Indians are our brothers and sisters”, “All dogs shown in this movie are computer graphics ”

Scene 106:00 AM

Bajana Mandapam – near Trichy situated along NH 45

Situation : it was jus after a heavy rain. The highways douched with mud. Winds howled with a cool breeze with nobody in the visible range on either side of the road, …… except a Dog couple rebuking each other trying to dominate their ego along the road side. The conversation went so hard that a Dog finally went mad and started shouting to its core without realizing that…..(camera zoomed out to a greater height from above such that it covers a larger area ) ..a SETC bus was coming ahead…

Scene 2 – 06:30 AM

A Dog’s IT firm situated in the outskirts of Chennai near NH 45

Dog C: ‘enna try panra Jessie(her nick name). ethuvumey oru periya vishayam illanu prove panna try panriya ? this is unfucking believable ‘

Dog D: ‘ I hate u ‘

Dog C:‘ thank yo’ HHHHHHHHHHHHornn followed by a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaash………………..

Scene3 – 05:45 AM

Bajana Mandapam

Situation: Dog A was busy with its Annual Target Production. While Brahmins as strolling minstrel, singing their bajans in their traditional costume in the auspicious Margali Masam, gave a dirty look at those Dogs.

Dog A: What the hell these homo sapiens need at this moment? Are we disturbing them?

Dog B: Am I mamiyaar or saamiyaar? I am not the dog who took the footage in samiyaar’s bedroom? Why can’t they control their curiosity?

Dog A: shut up u bitch! I am swami’s devotee.

Dog B: hey stop calling me like that you son of a bitch!

Dog A: I heard you *** **like your bro ***

Dog B : your mom ****** Dad ****** , ********

(These censored version went for another 20 twenty minutes as each of their mom, dad, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, nephew, niece came into picture uninvited)

Brahmins heard no bajan but an incessant cacophonous dog’s bark which made them threw stones. The conversation went so hard that a Dog finally went mad and started shouting to its core without realizing that…..(camera zoomed out to a greater height from above such that it covers a larger area ) ..a SETC bus was coming ahead…Dog A decided to take decision using its sixth sense. Before it could realize dogs do not have sixth sense DDDDDDashh it got hit by the SETC bus at 06:00 AM.

Scene 4 – 06:29 AM

Dog’s It firm

Dog C was assigned with a project by its Project manager.

Target : crossing the NH45

Situation : a tourist bus was heading at 80 kmph which was 20 feet ahead

At present: Dog crossed 5 feet from the source and it was 10 feet behind the destination

Confusion: should it walk backward or proceed forward?

Dog C to PM: Sir obstruction ahead. Unable to achieve the target on time. I reckon we should hold this order and shelve this project right now. Permission to return back

PM: hm.. negative.. proceed forward.

Dog C: but sir? Obstruction is 14 feet ahead. If I start running now at a speed of 25 kmph I can cross the road and reach the target with my life at stake without knowing what is coming on the other side of the road. Else if I make a move backward with a speed of 5 kmph I can be safe. Do u copy that?

PM: ‘ahem’adjusting its neck tie, ‘negative’

(situation was getting worse and Dog C was about to explode in full throttle, meanwhile he heard a sweet bark with inappropriate proportion of love, possessiveness and fear)

Dog D: (in her natty wedding gown) Darling don’t cross the road now! I stopped my marriage. I came for you and I need u for the rest of my life

Dog C: ‘enna try panra Jessie(her nick name). ethuvumey oru periya vishayam illanu prove panna try panriya ? this is unfucking believable ‘

…………(further dialogues were plagiarized from VTV)…………

Dog D: ‘ I hate u ‘

Dog C:‘ thank yo’ HHHHHHHHHHHHornn followed by a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash………

Scene 5 – 08:00 AM

NH 45 –The same SETC bus coming from Trichy and a tourist bus coming from Chennai collided with each other.

Those were the deleted scenes of Engayum Eppothum. Director decided to cut short the film for a ‘U’ certificate. With the help of kodampakkam leaks I present with these.

Nice love story isn’t?

Monday, October 10, 2011


As I was arduously waiting for Chetan’s Revoultion2020 I pen down with few of my thoughts, but I will try my level best not to move close as a book review.

Few lines that drove me,

Life may not offer you the same chance twice!

“Your birthday is over gopal ! “I said loudly to the only person in the room

When girls use vague terms like ‘generally‘, it is cause for specific concern. Or maybe not. It could be my overactive mind.

A tale of an AIEEE cum JEE screwed up guy fighting with AICTE and UGC at its culmination, striving hard with his life, love, lust and optimism in him-amidst confusion of friend ah?? Figure ahh??

Arthi,a teenager (as Chetan high fives his female lead as the most beautiful wateva in this ambit) A girl of labile nature go bonkers between the JEE guy and JEE sucked guy whoever has the success ball in ther court. I reckon if Perarasu can film from the girl’s perpective with Priyamani as protagonist with Sun pictures as media partner, Red giant and other media freak as supporters can hit the previous block busters outskirts. I guess Arthi would have seen Arya 2 in her adolescence.

JEE guy a revolutionist, left his engineering for Journalism
The story goes as who will reach the pinnacle of success?, who will go for the most beautiful ?

Apparently the story has Chetan’s pattern of expressing the allegory from the perspective of protagonist, love romance, the obvious Chetan’s sex tale in last few chapters.

PS: I have not disclosed anything beyond the back cover

Disclaimer: Chetan is not responsible if you think this book has some sorta exotic coherence with the previous 4 books. Maybe he should patent his style of elucidation

Bottom line: 3 idiots from same state did 3 mistakes

Spoiler: mistakes are emended

Thursday, October 6, 2011


The world is worrying about inflation, price rise, recession, crude oil.. gold…lotsa….

But I didn’t realize the effect and implications of price rise until that evening. (ok! Petrol prices makes an exception here)

2nd September 2007

It was a typical weekend evening and we were so tired of being idle. It was time for us to freshen up and spend the rest of the night chatting with friends and proliferating gossips. We had our jetpacks ready to start (our Thriller cycles had its air filled :P).

We randomly searched for some shop that can suffice our gluttonous appetite within the limited budget we had. Finally we met our Sadai Soup (the board on the vehicle says). The soup shop was so famous that all brand four wheelers were finding it difficult to park their vehicles and ordered their soups in the congested kalaignar nagar street. The mutton soup cost Rs 6.00 and I liked it very much not because it was cheap. But the delicious ingredients made us regular week end customers. Bicycle ride on Saturday evening became our routine. Later after every semester end it became a place of mourning. An abode of gossip.

After a year the price was Rs. 7.00, yet there wasn’t any minute degree depreciation in its taste factor.

Years passes by.,.

30th September 2011

After finishing our evening show I decided to leave for Vellore. I was driving in The longest mount road after a long time. By the time we crossed Sadaipet old memories flashed in our minds. “ Why can’t we try if the shop is still in existence” said my friend sitting behind. We almost forgot the route that took us with topsy and turvy of sadai, but this time in our bike.

Sadai Soup welcomes you”. The board has changed, menu has changed (luckily the famous mutton soup was still on), especially rates. The mutton soup has gone up by 216 % in three years.

Finally infalation striked Saidapet....

Yet the taste has not changed a bit....

PS: the shopkeeper recognized us while we went to pay our bills. We were so happy about it, until he said  “ sir oru mutton soup 13 rupaa” :P

PPS: somehow i connected the title with the content .. am I ?

Monday, October 3, 2011

watan idea sir jee ???

77 percent of the total populations in India were Below Poverty Line. Planning commission decided not to allow such situation persist in future. “ either you decrease the quantum of people below poverty line or you lower the margin of poverty line” Wat an idea sir jee? Claims Beggars. A torn towel with dowdy cloths in a busy street like T nagar would fetch any class of beggars more than 300 bugs of non taxable fiscal revenues a day. If you unload a banana truck it would fetch you Rs 30 in half and hour(Link). In that case Planning Commission’s decision on lowering the minimum income per day for BPL as Rs 25 prove its feeblemindedness.

I had a precognition of the future 2020 beggars, how planning commission had them succumbed.

I earned Rs 26  yesterday and I am rich. I can’t beg any more in scorching sun. I need my sunglasses.

I am sitting in SEZ. Your donations will be accounted as deemed exports. Credit cards are accepted.

The dollar value has depreciated baby.  Leaks from Wall Street say bankruptcy had proliferated in the outskirts. We can exchange it once the recession ceases.

I am rich already. This is jus for passion

and the last one,.
Hey don’t you dare to interlope while I try my PIN number.