HDFC - world's best customer service

I was doing my summer internship at JSPL Gurgaon during the month of April and May 2015. Gurgaon is a well sophisticated cyber hub for all service sectors and corporate headquarters. It is especially known for its high cost of living and rapid metro that covers the entire IT park round the clock and connecting it the metro station. Though it is not ideal to mention that Gurgaon is safe for travelling with liquid cash yet I do not carry much with me. I try to maintain my cash in hand as lean as possible by utilizing metro card, company bus service and black colored share auto. I use the ATM service twice a week so that I could replenish my pocket for daily expense. Apart from 20 story buildings and rapid metro screeching between skyscrapers, Gurgaon is also known for its Chicken biryani and katti roll. Hence sikenderpur metro station will always be final get-down station though Huda city center was my stopping. A half plate chicken biryani, katti roll and onion dosa at south Indian road side shop forms my usual evening schedule.

It happened on 25^th May 2015. I was getting down at sikenderpur metro station and I went for ATM near DLF city court shopping mall. I used my SBI atm card for withdrawing money. The ATM machine was not the usual swiping system. It pulls the card inside for processing. I let my card go and was waiting for the machine to process. I was waiting patiently like booking a tatkal ticket from IRCTC website. The machine took much time that tested my patience. I started knocking the ATM buttons for acknowledgement. Sometimes restlessness brings out the stupidity in us just like we press harder the TV remote button when it doesn’t work properly knowing the fact that extra force applied on the button is never going to reap any incremental benefit. The card was taken from the inside and got collected in a tray. I could able to see my card through the slot with which we insert our ATM card for accessing our account. I tried to peep further but I failed. By that time my weird actions attracted the security. I found it difficult to make him understand with my broken Hindi. He replied me that card once card stuck cannot be retrieved. He further instructed me to block the card ASAP and apply for a fresh one.

The alternative seemed to be infructuous to me. My SBI ATM card registered at Vellore, 150 kms from Chennai, branch got stuck in a HDFC ATM at Gurgaon. Fortunately current banking service is so user friendly that blocking a card takes minutes for security reasons but availing a new card takes days. Also I need to go to the concerned branch, get a token number and patiently wait for my turn. I need to submit a new form duly filled by me along with my ID proof. After a fortnight I have to personally reach the bank and validate myself by showing necessary identity to get my new card and password thereafter.

My schedule is so tight that I had another week training in Gurgaon and thereafter a 4 days holiday is available before I admit myself to the institute. With this limited time it is not possible for me to reach the bank personally as I need to travel from Delhi to Trichy, my hometown, and from Trichy to Vellore, then from Vellore to Trichy, Trichy to Chennai, Chennai to Delhi and Delhi to Kashipur. Merely reiterating this hectic and complex plot of travel itself found nauseating to me and hence it was impossible to get new card. I need to somehow manage to get back my old card.

I came down to HDFC bank during working hours and complained to the concerned manager. He directed me to a last counter. I explained the madam about the mishap and my inability to get a new card. She directed me to customer care booth inside the bank.

I lifted the receiver and it dialed automatically to the concerned customer care. The sweet automated lady voice welcomed me addressing that I have called to the world’s best customer care service. The voice directed me to press 1 for English, 3 for ATM card services, 6 for lost card services, 1 for additional information and 9 for connecting me to a real human. I explained her the entire story and she was patiently listening to me.

“Surely the best customer service in the world” I said to myself by the time I completed my story.

She: “Sir, please tell me your account number?”

Me: “What? Madam I hope you understand my story. I don’t own an account in your bank. My SBI ATM card got stuck in your ATM services.”

She: after a long pause “Sir, please provide your registered mobile number”.

Me: “Madam, I said I am not a registered customer of your service”

She: after a long pause “Sir, we need your mobile number”

Me: Told my number

She: “Sir, your number is not in our data base”

Me: Started to simmer from within but controlled my consciousness. “Obviously it won’t be because I am not your registered customer who owns an account in your banking services. I said I lost my ATM card in your ATM services.”

She: After a long pause, “sir your card number?”

Me: told my card number

She: “Sir your card number does not belongs to HDFC”

Me: took a long breath “I know that. My ATM card belongs to SBI bank”

She: “Sir, shall I block your card”

Me: by this time I understood that she never listened to my story but she is getting herself prepared with her trained set of questions and gave a long pause to her adulatory nerves until I complete. I decided to limit my conversation and started delivering what she wanted. “No”.

She: “What shall I do sir?”

Me: “I want you to return it back to the bank annexed with the ATM”

She: “May I seek your permission to put this call on hold so that I can verify from my side?”

Me: “Please”

It took her 3 minutes to return my call back.

She: “Sir, you have lost your card on 25^th of May”

Me: I doubly confirmed that she never listened to my story “Yes”

She: “May I know in which ATM you lost the card”

Me: I thought she was cross verifying the details with what she found while the call was on hold. “
DLF city court, sikenderpur, nearby by HDFC bank with IFSC code HDFC0001719”

She: “How many HDFC branches are there in sikenderpur?”

Me: I found this question totally irrelevant and foolish. “Madam, I do not have the time to search for how many HDFC banks are there in sikenderpur. But I do have provided you the bank with its IFSC code which I think is unique to every bank”.

By this time she stopped replying. I could hear keyboard typing sounds and coffee sipping sounds from the other end. I kept saying “Hello” with a consistent tempo and low enough not to annoy fellow people in the bank. I heard laughing and giggling sounds from the other end.

After another 3 minutes she came to the call.

She: “thanks for patiently waiting while I kept you on hold”

Me: now I realized the entire scene. She actually thought that she kept me on hold and she started relaxing herself by that time. I have read somewhere that every single data of customer service is captured that if a helpline employee does not attend a call more than three ring the calls get automatically connected to higher level authority. Also when a call is put on hold for more than a stipulated time that calls get triggered to higher authority. Now I realize that she is utilizing her opportunities to chit chat and relax because she should attend my call before three ring and should not put my call hold for more than 3 minutes I suppose. And it has been more than 10 minutes of phone conversation and she still has not understood my intention of calling them.

Me: “May I ask you what you verified while my call was on hold?”

She: complete silent from her end.

Me: I started saying “hello” in a continuous and controlled tempo.

She: she started talking with someone on the other end and after sometime she resumed with a little irritated tone. “Sir, I am not able to clearly hear what you are saying”

Me: I decided not to breakdown. “Madam, I don’t know if that’s true while I could able to hear your conversations over there”

She: she went back to limbo again. There was a long pause from her side. “Sir, May I know what exactly you want us to do?”

Me: “I request you to deliver the card to the bank nearby so that it will be easy for me to collect”.

She: “Ok sir we will deliver it to the nearby bank thanks for calling”

Me: “Hello, how do you ensure me that you registered this conversation”

She: “Sir, I am not able to understand”

Me: Of course she cannot. It was my mistake to expect sudden smartness from her. “Madam, I want the complaint reference ID”

She: “you want a complaint reference ID?” in a surprised tone.

Me: “Yes”.

She started asking my entire details from the first. Which means she has noted nothing from the beginning. Those typewriting sounds I heard where not for me. And it also means that she gave me blind commitments that I will get my card back. She managed to generate a complaint ID and promised me that it will be cleared in 7 working days.

Banks have 6 working days in a week which means my complaint will be done on the day I leave Gurgaon. I requested her to expedite but still she said that their maximum cap is 7days and that she can try to complete it before that. I even got a text message saying that my complaint ID was #DELC0515217297.

Every day I used to pass by the ATM and check for my card and it was still visible through the slot. On 28^th May the card was no more visible. I was happy that during money refilling my card was taken from the ATM and probably it would have been given to the bank. I went to the bank and enquired about the ATM and to my astonishment the bank did not receive any ATM card. I called the customer care again and enquired the current status against my complaint ID.

It was no surprise to me that the same lady attended my call and I had the most boring conversation ever had. I lost hope and left the bank. After two days I got a call from one of their service providers regarding my complaint. The voice said that my ATM card was not available in that ATM while the refilled. I decided not to waste time with these people in explaining him from the start. The worst part is he thanked me for contacting their customer service providers and was very much overwhelmed that he completed the task well within 7 days.

The card which was visible to me through naked eye is found lost while refilling. Which means my communication did not actually reached the concerned person who is refilling the ATM and when they did not find the ATM card they declared the card is missing.

Such a reputed bank has a poor or probably outdated system of customer satisfaction monitoring system employed by highly under trained or poorly qualified staffs. Adding oil to the fire the bank still claims themselves as one of the best customer service bank in the world.

Customer service has become vital in all industries and is critically important with service industries like banks. Banks like these with mind blowing tag lines that attracts customer’s attention but poorly satisfying with improper system and under equipped staffs will definitely be an oxymoronic combination to their tag lines.

3

In a Parent Teacher Association meeting a teacher complained about her 5^th grade student.

Teacher: I asked a question about the weight of the globe to the class and a boy answered me “the weight as on date is thirty kg more than what it was a year back”. I was puzzled and further questioned him. He said the weight of the earth got increased because my weight was increased by thirty in the past one year.

The whole crowd burst to laughter.

Teacher: There is nothing to laugh at it. I reprimanded him at once for his in disciplinary remark for which he started abusing at me. I wonder the way children are brought up these days.

Suddenly a mother in the meeting rose up from the chair in reflex and commented “Excuse me! We know our child and we are giving them the best we could. If still mistake happens then it is definitely at your end. Maybe students learn from their peers. But definitely not from their parents”.

The crowd nodded in unison.

Teacher: “Well in that case madam it was your son who was that in disciplined in my class littering the fellow students”.

She left the place that instant in anger leaving behind a huge silence. She went back home and thrashed her child for letting her down in front of other parents. The child was hurt and sobbed profusely.

Her mother was hurt badly after seeing her son crying. It took some time for the whole scene to settle down. After dinner the mother, father and son laid in their bed for sleeping.

Son: Did I let you down today? Is that why you were mad at me?

Mother: Didn’t I brought you up well right from your birth.

Son: Yes ma.

Mother: I had taken good care of you even before you were born.

Son: How would I know about those happened before my birth ma?

She exhaled and started narrating a story.

Mother: It was June 1988 when your father and I went for baby-moon.

Son: What is baby-moon?

Mother: It is a sequel to honeymoon except for couples go during their 5^th month of pregnancy.

Son: why do they during that time?

Mother: Well the fetus inside the womb would be matured enough to perceive the real world vicariously through the host.

Son: What?

Mother: Well the baby can feel, hear and even see, as they say, at that time. In Mahabharata Arjuna trained Abhimanyu for getting into chakra vyuha when Abhimanyu was growing inside his mother’s womb.

Son: Oh! So what happened during our baby-moon?

Mother surprisingly smiled at her child mentioning ‘our’. She replied back “We went for ooty. I still remember how freshly chill the climate was. On the very first day we went for garden. I was unable to walk further as you started adjusting yourself inside. It was very painful and I had to sit down near the security guard”.

The son frowned out of guilt and his mother brushed his hair with a smiling face saying, “It was not your fault dear”.

She continued “During those periods woman will be hyper sensitive to all feelings be it happiness, sadness, anger, pain etc. I requested the guard to share his seat and he granted. Your father asked me to join him but I refused a couple of times. Then he left me assuring my safety with the guard”.

Son: Why did dad do that?  He could have cancelled that day’s plan and stayed with you?

Dad groaned in half sleep “is this the kind of bedtime story you narrate to our son making his own father a villain?”

Mother laughing at the expected questions from both the ends she continued narrating. “It was not his fault. Your father has sacrificed a lot for me. He is an industrious man and hates secluding to being motionless other than eating and sleeping. So I willingly let him continue his visit”.

Father exhales and turns to other side of the bed to his comfortable position.

Mother: But the moment when your father left, I was inundated with mixed feelings. I was afraid and scared of being alone carrying you in an alien place. I was perplexed with several contingent questions asking myself what I would do if something happens to me at that moment. I wish someone was nearby to say “you will be safe”. I cursed myself for letting your father go alone. He actually got lost in the garden maze and took him sometime to return back to me along with security escorts. His anger and my cry changed the entire mood of the day and we returned back to home the same night. I wish I had seen the place myself.

Father rolling from the other end of the bed “and that’s the end of the story. Tomorrow I will tell you another story about a wife beating her husband with chapatti roller”.

Everyone chucked and left for sleep.

25 years later…

The boy was married and his wife was five months pregnant. His parents insisted him to go for a babymoon to some place as a change of mood was essential for both the mother and the child. The boy realized that it was time for him to be good father as well as a good son. He wanted to fulfill all the unfinished desires of his parents only when they are hale and healthy to perceive it. He took the whole family to ooty.

The boy was so adamant that the first itinerary in the trip was ooty garden. He took the whole family to the garden. The moment they entered, the girl got cramps in her stomach. She couldn’t move a step and hence resorted herself to a chair nearby. The guy understood her pain and decided to stay back. He could. Some activities are hereditary and Geo tagged.  

This incident reminded mother of her situation a couple of decades before and hence decided to stay back. The unfulfilled wishes of three people was put to task like the three vertices's of a triangle trying to touch each other without deforming its shape. The father wants to see the garden at least this time but unwilling to go alone. Mother wants to accompany her husband but unwilling to leave her daughter-in-law to face the same suffer she underwent. The son did not want to leave his wife alone but he wants to fulfill the wishes of his parents.

Son: “Ma, you and father go to the park. We both will be waiting for you here while you return”.

Mother: “No I don’t want to leave her alone in this situation”.

Father: “Me too. Let us take her to the hotel and give her some rest”.

Son was confused at the situation. But he was sure of one thing. Not to call off this trip.

Son: “Ma, You stay with her. I will go along with dad”.

Father and Mother: “But?”

Son: “You know how to take good care of her. I trust you”.

Everyone smiled at each other and father and son went inside. Son, after a few steps, came back to his wife. He brushed her hair and said “you three better be safe”. He smiled and went back into the garden.

She looked at his mother in confusion. Mother smiled at her in return.

“Alright, Good night”

She was standing in a long queue and she felt so lost that every second cost her an hour. Time frame from the reality seemed to dwell unreasonably slow as she had her mind lost somewhere. She couldn't see the clear picture of what her eyes actually saw. It was all hazy and bleak. Nor that her eye sensors wear off but she seemed really confused about taking her decision. She was not indecisive about taking decisions but this particular decision costs her an entire life. She was so hard to accept it as well as so soft to deny it. She couldn't hear anything properly, standing in the queue, but indistinct chatters at low decibels and at unusual tempos. Her eyes were moist that her eyeliners where completely washed up and her pupils were merely floating in the sacred pool of tears.

Next!

She heard something in a requesting tone that later turned into an imperative accent.

NEXT!

It was her turn at the immigration counter. The personal at the counter interrogated several questions and her reply was so slow that she answered the second question with the first question’s answer. The office personal was partially satisfied in approving her immigration. She was looking at an Indian couple hugging and caressing each other at the gallery terminal to send off someone. She couldn't control her nostalgic vibe about her boyfriend. Especially at times when she was taking such vital decisions of him in her life.

The past beautiful moments of their happy-days projected in front of her eyes without a celluloid. The memories of the first day they met at a car accident when he was the guy who crushed his car onto hers. The day how they took care of each other in the hospital when the homesickness and agony took precedence. The day when he proposed her in the hospital with the vital medicines required for her.

All her day dreams were vanished by a loud sound. The immigration officer cleared, signed and sealed her application. The officer sealed it so loud to wake her off her in the middle of her dreams. Her trolley was full of surprise presents, her boyfriend used to gift on every day from the day of proposal. She could hardly roll her trolley not for its heaviness by weight. But it was loaded with so many emotions imbibed.

She entered the gangway with plenty of her fellow country mates rushing the plane. She knew that she couldn't stay in a foreign country where she couldn't find solace. Lucrative jobs couldn't be a lifetime opportunity to replace the blessed people. Not that she missed her family so much. Either she was too coward to decide upon whom she miss so.

Every step she stepped on the gangway kept reminding her that she was lacking time to make a Decision. Her world was going dark without her notice that she was fainting.

She remembered that how she faltered while using her crutches for the first time in the hospital during her days of recuperation. It was he who stood beside her, training like a cradling baby, and helping her out in the training.

A nun caught her from behind.

Oh my god. You are so heavy. May lord be with you all the time or until you reach your home my child!

She smiled coyly and adjusted her belongings from the free fall. She started approaching into the flight entrance. A well-built athletic woman full of plastic make up dressed in red skirt with floral fragrance spreading around her black stalking, welcomed her with a plastic smile.

Welcome aboard madam. Your seat is two rows from the front on your left and second seat from the window. Have a happy journey.

She couldn't proceed further into the plane as every single instance that was happening around her reminded her of him. Those days when they both used to linger around the Hospital’s canteen as the best coffee with noodle soup was served there. Every time the women at the canteen entrance welcomes, he used to mock her of her accent and her subservient gesture.

She placed her luggage in the dock and got seated.

Ma’am would you like to have a glass of wine or beer?

Martini is my favorite bitch, why do you ask me every single time. He used to yell at the Hospital canteen’s waitress. Those were the days they spend their life with nothing but breathing air and laughing around. They both were so addicted of being together and inseparable. Except for one day and she could remember every single details of that day. How his nose bleed over the noodle soup and how he fainted and rushed to the Intensive Care Unit. Her life was back after two days when he told that he was fine and it was the medicine’s unusual side effect that oozed his blood out of his nostrils.

Ma’am?

She was back to reality and ordered water.

It was her last day to get discharged from the hospital and she was bidding adieu to the receptionist and nurses. She was telling them about how she likes him, the way he proposed her and about the future plans with him. She was the only person talking while the rest were frozen in shock. One of the nurses from the behind interrogated the senior nurse that if she was referring the guy who got admitted in the ICU for blood cancer. The non-stopping chatter of her came to an end when she heard those. Those words were so sharp that it pierced her heart effortlessly in no time that she took so much time to realize about what she actually heard. She got nothing to do with the situation but to faint and extend her stay for a day.

This is captain welcoming you all board. It is time to fasten your seat belts. The flight will take off in 2 minutes as scheduled.

Sense of guilt and love with one preceding the other obsessed her and took control of her. It was her mistake that she left him accepting the reality that he will be not alive more than a month and her inclination towards the lucrative job offer abroad as a Chinese translator to a leading multinational company. She shouldn't have left him. She couldn't face her dying boyfriend any more. She knew she made a mistake leaving him. She couldn't spend a single day at the office accepting the fact that she has left him. She resigned that job at the same day and she boarded a flight to china, her country, on the same evening. She badly wanted to marry him so that he could spend the remaining days of his life with the girl whom he loved. But she knew how much it would pain to live a widow for the rest of her life.

The flight attendant came to her to fasten her seat belt.

Ma’am your life is more important to us

And she left the place with her plastic smile. Something sparked and she knew that she has decided.

“Tomorrow is the day I will marry you at the hospital and celebrate our honeymoon with the scheduled medicines. I promise to take good care of you for the rest of your life. I will not let you die before me. Good night” she said to herself. And she was relieved that she finally decided before the flight took off.

The flight took its front wheel off from the ground with a happy passenger.

This is captain Fariq of Boeing 777 Flight number MH370. We are flying at an altitude of 35000 feet. The weather condition is normal.

“MH370, please contact Ho Chi Minh City 120.9, Good Night” echoed the radio version from KL Control tower.

“Alright, Good night”

Bharathi Kanda Puthumai Pen

 My question to the paternal fraternity is ‘how does the son born for a wife’s husband’s brother is related to his actual father? ‘. Don’t freak out that I am being blasphemous to the entire cultural prominence. It was a Vikramaditya’s question to a king who came to rescue him before climbing a tree. My question was how could he ask such a question?

And my answer is he asked such a question because such things are happening.

And what do we call it as?

Fraternal Polyandry.

Where it is been practiced?

Tibetans in Nepal, parts of China and parts of Northern India

Could you throw some light?

Sure! Fraternal polyandry is a practice by which one woman is married to several brothers which each brother having equal sexual access. For ration card, Aadhar card and other card purposes the elder most shall occupy the official husband post. If the elder brother dies the official coveted post shall be bequeathed to the next seniority level.

Could you throw some more light

Sure! Sure! The wife shall live with each husband every day while the rest shall be patiently waiting for their turn. Patience plays an important role because that keeps the family’s fragility intact.

Could you throw some extra more light?

Oh! Shut up!

What about a progeny for expansion of dynasty?

Yeah it happens. And all have to accept the god’s gift no matter even the mother could not recognize which among is its best swimmer’s. If it is a male child then obviously the cow, goat and farm land shall be his. And if it is she then the marriage ceremony shall be sponsored.

Could your prove it?

Rajo Verma, age 21, from a small village near Dehradun was married to  Sant Ram Verma age 28, Bajju Verma age 32, Gopal Verma age 26, Guddu Verma age 21 and Dinesh Verma age 19 with an 18-month-old son. The Bajju Verma obviously holds the coveted official husband status and he is so proud that his photograph will be appearing in Ration cards.

Sooner or later this matter was publicized and it became viral on the internet. When interviewed Rajo Verma claimed 'Initially it felt a bit awkward. 'But I don’t favour one over the other' 

And the Ration card husband said ‘We all have sex with her but I am not jealous. We are one big happy family’.

Rajo Verma does not know which of the brothers is the father of her son.

The practice is also believed to be a way of keeping farming land in the family. It is most commonly found near the Himalayas in the north of the country, as well as in the mountainous nation of Tibet. While the advancement of modernity has seen the archaic practice largely die out in most of the areas, the shortage of women in countries such as China and India has helped keep it alive as a solution to young men's difficulties in finding a wife.

Rajo Verma said she knew she was expected to accept all of her husbands, as her own mother was married to three brothers.  She said ‘they do not have beds, just 'lots of blankets on the floor'. 

She added 'I get a lot more attention and love than most wives’

Look at the pride in her smile

That was one once-in-a-while-rarest-family photo. The last but second is the coveted Ration card husband.

It is like ‘Hey! Don’t you dare see my wife’ (I hear multiple voices. Is it the mountain’s echo?)

Avar Avar vaazhkaiyil airyum airyum maatrangal!!!

External Links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyandry

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2295380/The-wife-married-FIVE-brothers-Rajo-21-follows-tradition-Indian-villages-allows-families-hold-farmland.html

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rajo-Verma-Meet-The-Woman-Who-Has-Five-Husband/588828351146715

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/indian-woman-rajo-verma-married-five-brothers-unsure-baby-s-father

CARE TO LIFT

It was 7 in the morning and the sun light has already filled the room heating every opponent that comes its way in the room. The alarm the iHome was ringing out of repeated snoozes echoed in the room that might wake any human sleeping and dreaming even in the sub conscious level. The old woman found it difficult to get up from the cozy comfort the pillow was providing. The lady was very particular about the pillow that the size of the pillow should be sufficient enough to cradle her cheeks rubbing on it with her arms hugged tight around and her knees resting on top of it. She woke up like an about-to-die patient waking up from her karma in an ICU. She stretched her arms and legs simultaneously until every nerve in her body was taught like the strings in a guitar that was ready to be struck. Above all that world's cutest yawn she possesses was a meaningful sign that she has completely woken up.

She some how managed to find her high powered bifocal spectacles as she was so well organized in placing and retrieving things. She was shocked to notice that an old man, who used to hug her tightly from behind during night's sleep and wake her up with kisses on eyes and forehead, was found missing. She felt low as it was she who always wakes the man up but today it was different. She managed to get up from the bed and walked into the living room. To her astonishment there were none. The house was deadly silent and the only sound audible and reverberating was her footsteps and the press of her walking stick on the polished surface. She went to the verandah in search of the old man, whom, she thought, might be reading his morning newspaper. She was surprised to see the whole verandah was uninhabited. The garden in front that used to be irrigated by auto sprinkler was  vacant with leaves lying all around. The Neem tree in front, which she always loved to have, is devoid of its morning guest, the cuckoo pair.

The old woman was now in horror. She thought that she might have died a painless death during the night's sleep and she was just a soul lingering in the house. She was all by herself in a big villa isolated from the city. Solitude is all she loathes in her entire life. She so mingles with people in all walks and she always need company even after life. She could touch things. All the possessions were palpable. She released a sign of relief but was still afraid from within.

In the movie sixth sense the ghost never realizes that it was dead as the surrounding responds to their presence so well that led the ghost presume its survival in the world even after death. She was still not satisfied. She bends to check for her legs. But her backbones were no longer supple enough to support her in check her legs by herself.
 
It was late in the morning and the old lady needs something hot to fill her empty belly no matter if she is alive or dead. She walked to the kitchen by herself, prepared coffee of her desired proportions and came to the bedroom. Tears started pouring from her eyes as she was reminded of her situation. She was nervous of being alone. She was afraid even to look out of the window. She needs company. She didn't want to die alone. She was standing in the corner of two walls, like children used to do of being alone after watching a ghost movie, nonplussed what to do. She badly needs her life back. She could smell the flavor of ice creams and chocolate that filled the room. She didn't care to notice. The aroma started sprawling denser and finally she realized it. She went near the door to check where the smell was coming from.

Boom! A loud noise came from a group of people, wearing birthday caps in their heads. It was her son and daughter along with their spouses. Their children were firing confetti bombs to fill the ambiance with colors and joy. She could see her daughter carrying chocolate cum butterscotch cake with 70 numerical candle on top of it. The whole family was singing Happy Birthday in chores to celebrate the lady's special day. She was lost in joy until she realized that everyone were there expect for her old man. She felt dizzy, discombobulated and fell back. She could no longer hear the chores of her birthday song. Her world went dark.

She landed safely on a soft arm. She opened her eyes to see an old man wearing big spectacle and welcoming toothless smile was catching her from behind. She started weeping like a new born child. She doesn't know the reason for her cry. Either she was alive or she couldn’t take the surprise given or both. The old man kissed her on her eyes and forehead in the same position. He came closer to her ears and uttered “I won't leave you alone even in death”.
And the old lady wiped her tears hugged the old man and uttered “care to lift me? " With moist eyes and smile in her face.

The couple dashed their forehead gently in unison.

He is a Good Guy

Chapter – I

Attack the mom! Attract with charm

I reached her house. She and her mom were anxiously and querulously waiting outside the house. I had to cross a perfect Brahmin family before I could reach her house. I opened the gate to enter inside and I was stopped by a hexagenerians “Whom do you want?”(yaaru paa venum?).

I do not want to develop another series of questionnaire like avaala theriyuma? Avaa friend ah? Avaa college ah? Saptela? Coffee Sapudrela? Kaaka vada suticha?

"I am going  upstairs" (mel veedu venum).

I didn’t wait for their acknowledgment. I went through an atleast-20-year-old rusted stair case. I was wearing a red-checked-full sleeve folded shirt and light blue jean.

The moment I saw her mom I was out of my nerves. I uttered “Hello Maam”, As if I was there for selling encyclopedias and detergent powders.

Before I could realize that I had made a terrible mistake, I was welcomed by her mom.

I was expecting ‘vango, ukkarungo, sapudrela?’.

But it was not the right time for expecting the expectations to happen. I started the conversation in a humble but bold, polite but self confident, reverent but manly tone as the first impression is always the best impression and I have to give a neat presentation.

Chapter – 2

Perfect chocolate for the perfect girl

I took out a mixer (spicy snack in Tamil) bought from kalaimagal sweets nearby and gave it to her mom. I was eagerly waiting for her, keeping an eye on every door possible. I could sense some Ilyaraja Music playing in my mind.
OMG! She was coming out of her room in her pink with black salwar. She was so fresh after taking her head bath. She looked so romantic in the moist hair. And I realized that her creator was watching me sitting behind. I gave her, her all time favorite Dairy Milk Crackle. She was very much excited but was controlling her emotions. She started unwrapping the foil slowly but passionately like a baby eagerly waiting to unwrap the Christmas presents. The half melted chocolate bulge was carefully sliced by her canine teeth with tongue wiping the vestige left behind. And…..

Mom: how did you do the exam? (exam epdi pannae?)

“That was a sharp interruption given by her mom flowing with multitudes of words and eagerly waiting for her next round of questionnaires “I badly wanted to comment like a cricket commentator.

Me: (which exam? Oh! The exam we created as a reason so that I could visit her house and I have to maintain the same story) Nalla (I was about to tell nanna but things could have gone worse) pannae ma.

She was moved when I told her amma.

I was so confident as if I had passed a preliminary test.

She didn’t ask me further but I should not leave the conversation so blunt because I started well.

Me: Exam was little tough. But let me see if I could clear this time.

Mom: Ah!

Me: Actually I studied well this time and I had given my sincere efforts.

Mom: ah AH!

I was startled by her reactions like in ‘Moov’ advertisement “ Ah muthal ah ah varai”.

Then I started talking about my mom, family, job, then mom, schooling including primary secondary and higher secondary, then mom, job. Finally I created an impression that I am more sticking onto my mother.

I was encouraged by her smile.  

Meanwhile this girl was about to finish her last piece of chocolate. And she was too busy licking the royal remainings in the aluminium foil. I was watching like the male artist watching Katrina kaif drinking Maaza in an advertisement.

I texted her “ Gummunu iruka”

She started blushing until she noticed her mom nearby watching the live telecast. She didn’t reply back.

Mom: You should be hungry isn’t?

Me: (nice discovery! Should be enlisted in next year’s Manorama’s GK book) actually famished.

 I was given a full square vegetarian meal with appropriate ingredients of a Brahmin’s recipe. Well boiled white rice with sambar, rasam with papad, curd with pickles, vegetable dish etc. Unfortunately it was power shutdown and I was sweating profusely.

Her mom gave a hand fan to help myself. I praised her for the lunch and she was moved by it. She and her mom finished her lunch well before my arrival and I was having my lunch in solitude. I wanted to take revenge.

Me: (turning towards her mom) Has she started studying? Exams are just three more days left I suppose?  (She was taken aback and her mom gave her a nasty look).

Mom: She is never listening to my words. Not one bit. I had been scolding her right from the morning and she is not even touching her books.

Now my rasam and papad was getting tastier than before.

Mom: Her dad will be very angry when he comes to know that she is not at all studying.

She threw her sharp eyes upon me and I started eating curd, absurd. 

Chapter – 3

Filter coffee? Illa ithu bru

Minutes later. Her mom went inside the kitchen for refilling my plate. And I was doing nothing but staring at her. We couldn’t take our eyes, off, each other. Thousands of Giga bytes of information were being transmitted within us, seamlessly, until her mom butted in.

Mom: Is food enough?

Me: (taking my eyes off her) up to the brim

I could sense there was a slight disturbance in her mom's facial expressions that made her feel uncomfortable.

She sat in the sofa and started talking with her daughter. I went to the kitchen for hand wash and returned back to occupy my seat, as if I am going to hatch eggs.

They were talking and I started viewing my previous messages in my mobile. And still they were talking with each other. I open an unused application in my mobile and uninstalled it to create free memory space. And still they were talking. I locked and unlocked my mobile several times. And still they were talking.

I badly wanted to shout “Excuse me ladies, we introduce ourselves. He is Saravanan, I am his friend Partha”.

But I didn’t and started watching them talking. Their gossip was so unhealthy that I was growing sick. My future mother-in-law was doing this so intentionally to get rid off me. But she liked me. And I was so confident about it., only thing was she couldn’t accept the slightest doubt that was germinated in her mind.

 " are they really friends?" her mom's eyes spoke a lot.

Her mom went inside the kitchen for preparing coffee.

Mom: You need coffee?

Me: half sugar (like a diabetic patient).

I accepted her hospitality to lengthen her stay in the kitchen. 
I started walking slowly towards my girl. But she ran off to the balcony. I gesticulated to feel her presence by extending my hand. She responded well. I clutched her hand so tightly until the coffee aroma sprawled in the hall completely. I came back to my sense and released her hand under parole.

Mom came back with hot degree coffee in a well cleansed tumbler and Dawara.  

Mom: Is sugar level ok?

I nodded my head, confused while doing, if that was a tone of sarcasm or hospitality?

Me: (I couldn’t control my anxiety and I asked the most obvious question) Filter coffee?

Mom: (laughing) illa ithu Bru

All started laughing for this unprecedented comedy.  

Chapter – 4

Aunty in nighty

Aaaunttyyyyyy…….

An aunty from downstairs called my aunty. Let us refer her as Aunty.

Aunty: Is this the boy from IBM whom you were looking for your daughter?

I was frenzied and glared at her. She nodded horizontally in deliverance. 

Mom: No! This is her friend. (Turning towards me) come and say hiii

Me:  (I went to the door and) Hi (I saw an ugly Aunty in nighty)

Aunty: Hi,you are from? ( As if like an interviewer asking her interviewee the most obvious question” tell me about yourself”)

Me: (I told a small gist of my introduction, where I am from, that she is my friend. Blah blah... I came inside as I could not stand the sight of the aunty in nighty as I need to protect my eyes from cataract, night blindness and all forms of communicable and non communicable diseases.)

Aunty: When is your daughter getting married?

Me:  (WTF)

Her: (Turning towards me with red cheeks in anger and moist eyes)

Mom: Not now. Maybe in two years.

I got hold of her hand, pacifying her, “don worry nothing will happen“.

She nodded. 

Chapter – 5

He is a good guy

After leaving the aunty behind us we sat in the hall with no conversation going between us. And it was time for me to impress her mom again.

I came close to her and talked about my mom, how she takes care of me, how I am taking care of her, how I should take care of her in future, that I should come up big in life, that I want to study more in life. She was carefully listening to every word I was uttering. She was moved but she couldn’t express it. She was touched but couldn’t accept it. She liked me but couldn’t express it.

After that I stopped talking. I was waiting for her to express something.  She remained silent. Everybody remained silent.

She was watching the floor with eyes that failed to blink. She started breathing heavily, exhaling the air, trying to tell something.

I badly want to tell something to breach the silence.

Me: I am leaving ma

Mom: (nodding her face, facing down, with no words of expression)

I waved my hand to her and her mom. Slowly walked downstairs, and went out into the scorching street.

Mom: (turning towards her) He is a good guy (and left back to the kitchen).