UNTITLED

This blog is not a love story or any sorta emotional bullshit. Its just one such incident that would have happened to any guy or a girl with normal secretion of vital hormones. 

Year: 2004

Venue: Hospital in nearby locality

Situation: Sitting infront of an ophthalmologist with drops in my eyes for an eye power check up.

It was half an hour past after my first round of drops and I heard a sweet voice nearing me. It was a voice very familiar to me. She started whispering to somebody accompanying her, “I know him”.

“Two girls!?! “ I said to myself.

I was curious to see the girls and hear their conversation. They came closer and sat next to me. I started feeling my heart beat a little harder. This will be a worse situation when two girls sitting next to you and your eye pupils were getting diluted with irritating droplets. I was so desperate to see them but a nurse chided me with her nasty hospitality of a typical hospital.

Year: 2000

Venue: Hindi coaching centre

Situation: Our Guru was coaching his apostles with अ आ ई...

A cool breeze entered our class that shattered all window panes and flowers and leaves fell off from the trees and beautified our tuition class. Howling wind broke the silence of the class and everyone had their attention to the front door.

Everyone including the guru turned their heads and I was the last one to get distracted.

She came with streak of sunlight along with her mom to join the Hindi class. I came to know that she was one year younger to me and guys showed their male chauvinism by not leaving her any space to sit. She sat in the last row and started listening like an innocent child.


Year: 2001

Venue: Hindi class upstairs

Situation: Prathmic results came and top three were among guys.

Guys outwitted girls and made pranks with them. Some girls started crying and the others were abusing. I remained silent as she got very low marks and I felt very bad about it. I needed to console her very badly but my friends were jumping in joy and I didn’t want to reflect myself so very distinct from others. I kept silent and returned home with a sad face.

Year: 2004

Venue: Ophthalmology clinic

Situation: Nurse asked me to open my eyes for the second shot of drops.

With great difficulty I opened my eyes and she left the place giving me unparlimentary gestures for poor cooperation. I turned my head in search of that sweet voice. I was shocked and stupefied. It was an Aunt of 35 years old. I started cursing brahma for his paradoxical error in oxymoronic collaboration of facial and vocal combination. She bent forward to get something that lured my reflexes to get ready with any-side-escape katas. And I saw her, my Hindi Classmate sitting behind that lady. She was fully grown with long hair and shining tone in her 15. Her colored bangles, ear-rings and watches matched her pink salwar.

I started cursing brahma second time for bestowing beautiful girls with mothers who glares.

Year: 2002

Venue: Hindi class terrace

Situation: Guys were eating mangoes stolen from neighbor’s tree.

We hid all mangoes in our tuition bags and were eating it one by one sitting in the last row. She and her friends saw us munching something and sooner they had a little talk of propaganda against their vengeance. In no time we were caught red handed and got chided black and blue by my tutor as well as their neighbor. After that incident guys took an oath that no guy should talk to girls and help them in any manner. We involved in several Operation Mangoes against girls and gratified our vengeance in deflating their cycle tires, filling their bags with mango leaves etc. I quit my Hindi classes when I crossed my 10th unwillingly for my board exam preparation.


Year: 2004

Venue: Ophthalmology clinic

Situation: She, her mom and I were sitting in a bench with eyes closed and ears wide open.

I started comparing the situation with Kadhal Kondane where Sonia and Sudeep sitting at the extremes except Dhanush was replaced by her mom. As my tenth results were out, her mom started asking several questions about my marks, preparation strategy, study timings, question paper toughness, 11th hour tips… and other unimportant blah blahs… she never opened her mouth but I was sure that she was meticulously listening to our conversation because “it was she who’s gonna write board exam and not her mom” I said to myself.

Half an Hour later…

Our eyes were diluted and my check-up was over. I was about to leave the place with a heart of half satisfaction that I met her and dis-satisfaction that I didn’t talked to her. Finally she opened her mouth to talk and I became the happiest person in the hospital until she said……
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Anna Tenth Standard Guide kedaikuma!?!

I decided to get admitted in the ICU nearby.

PS: oh I don’t wanna reveal her name, (neither I am not aware of her presence and existence) so do I left the blog title.

MAYAKKAM ENNA

(click the pictures for an enlarged vision)

The teaser and its (hit) songs would have lured us with an idea that this fanfare of Selva’s is another inception of love spun in a different style from his wardrobe.  But if I am correct then you will accept that you are wrong in the climax. The first half of the movie supports your perception whereas the second half was a complete contrast.

 A tale of an amateur photographer and what he becomes in the culmination is the rest of the story.

Karthik Swaminathan(Genius)- an ardent photographer trying to hurdle in a competitive world to excel in his passion as his profession. His four childhood friends were his NOK, financial supporters, kith and kin etc.,.

The strength of five was about out to shatter with the intervention of a girl (Yamini) and Selva portrays her infidelity with the help of GV and Ramji. Richa gangopadhyay aptly fit the character and Selva just tailored her expressions.

Karthik’s confusion with friend ah? Figure ah?

Audience were made to manipulate with their wrong calculations that this movie has some coherence with Kadhal Kondane. Ofcourse he had but this time with a different triangular love story. Infact this trianglular love story finally gratified into a quadrilateral relationship. You will comprehend the said statement only after watching the movie.

Music: This young musician knows how to secrete your adrenaline with his strings and keys.  His value addition to this movie made audience to lean forward in the second half.

Editing: Kola Bhaskar has something special in him. He can present a lovable novel infront  of us that saunters and he doesn’t need a BGM to spice his timeline.

Timeline: 2 hours and 20 minutes of love, lust, friendship, betrayal, perseverance and destiny

Bottom line: the worse your days were, the better you will be

Spoiler: You need A beautiful mind to watch the movie

PS: not worth to watch for commercial audience, worth a million for audience with lust for cult.

PPS: i couldnt crack myself what the title signifies

US BUDDY

100 wedding invitations were taken in random and it was found that a significant amount of invitations had bridegrooms status as “ Research analyst USA”, “Post doctoral USA”, “MS USA”, “ whateva USA”.

Brain drain has officially became an accolade to our Indian brides. Business analyst of kalyana malai says dowry value increases when we stamp our country of education. I wonder if all the bright guys go bonkers with the foreign nation what India will be left with by 2020? Maybe after 30 years from now the next generation will be aware of Revolution 2020, rather vision 2020.

If this rate of brain drain doubles cumulatively then by the end of 2020 our national anthem will be changed like this,

US is my country

All Negros are my brothers and sisters

I love my country and am proud of its rich and varied figures

I shall always strive to be in touch through skype

I shall give my parents, friends, with latest iphones, ipods and treat everyone with san Francisco handmade chocolates

To my country and my people I present “my first fried rice” fotos in FB

In their well being and stomach burning alone, lies my happiness

Our tamil kalacharam spreads in an unimaginable rate in US. Albums like ”am in my lungi”, “veshti in wall street” “Lungi il lagudapaandi” in FB clearly proves it. Our lungies and ‘angies’ should be patented because leaks form white house says Obama wears Ramraj Lungi during his personal trip and his wife prefers Aone nighties, one of Ob's favourite.

The State-of-the-Art patta patti worn by hollywood’s most elegant actor cum director cum stunt master is shown for your ready reference

Some of our heritage foods like pan parag, jigarthanda, 420 and many more has a great demand in US and US plans to subside her recession by doubling the cost of these heritage foods items.

Once gubtun got frenzied and brawled in a skype chat with Kate Winslet when she expressed her odious comments of dislike for Indian products and its Aone nighties.“ Hey kate pula, dere are 20 million Indian women in US who brefers indian broducts. Ouvut of which 5 million brefer Aone. Because Aone is Aone. Bakisdhan derrorist in US haz bulocked our pattapatti, lungi and other clandestine ancestral accessories in US marketu, dheruby hamarah Indians aaru fporced to buy dheir broducts like nikeee and haridass, unngmnuu. I will go for hunger stiku if dhey don’t remove dhose ban.. bharat aatha ki jai.. unngmmu”

Watching this TR and Dr. Vijay joined the race too.

TR: hey பொண்ணே kateu , please close your gateu, otherwise ill keep வேட்டு  ”

Dr.Vijay: யக்கா  கேட்டு  , சும்மாவே நான்  காட்டு காட்டுன்னு  காட்டுவேன்   நீ வேர கேட்டு  கேட்டுன்னு சொல்ற    …..

ஒரு வாட்டி Aone use  பன்னி பார் அப்புறம் உன் பேச்ச  நியே கேக்க  மாட்ட

So let’s fight for the nation. Let us change our profile pictures to patta patties and ravikies to show our protest and unity. Guys wear those patta patties to office on all Fridays(am not sure about gals whether they would serve the nation by wearing Aone nighties). 

And I almost forgot to present you the poseur model of elegancy for pattapatti

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I hated Zombies

Everybody hates a zombie no matter whether you have seen them or not, whether you have a reason or not, but I do…..

FB looses its face

Plus crosses Book

Google outrages FB

Facebook attains Puberty

those were the slogans and even more were raised for welcoming Google plus. The world expected google plus to outrage FB and slam Mark, the face of Facebook.

I felt happy at one point that I would be free from request like

Need chips for farmville

Need **** for cityville
Need @@@ for casteville
Need shit for shitville

But my happiness never lasted as every plus has its minus. Google plus started pissing on me with its angry birds, chips for zombielane, shovel for zombielane, share your zombies,…

The stout guy with black coat, coolers and red cap along with a voluptous girl friend who fluants her belly was me. Atleast I have a girlfriend now.          (click pictures for an enlarged vision)

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 This figure with flamboyant smile and a shot gun was me.

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'What happened to my town? Where are my people? Why are those houses demolished?'  I was in a hyper active state, fraught with loads of questions,red hot in patriotism and a blood thurst to kill zombies.

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  'I found you, you son of a zombie!!. How dare you destroy my mother land.'  

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Every zombie bequeathed a chip and star when killed.  Those chips were used for my energy as well as for construction of houses.

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I was badly in need of more coins to complete my target. My blood thursty hunt for zombies went incessantly.

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I was so eagerly shooting all zombies and I ignored those new tip pop ups.

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              Some zombies even attacked me with 'stop trying to hit me and hit me' gestures

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At one point of time My trigger betrayed me! I was out of ammo.

'why should I spend another 200 chips for a shotgun, especially in recession time like this?' and I preferred a shovel.

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I was cleaning my city and I was passionate about it. Especially with shovel you gotta hit it before it hits you.

I wanted to shout like crazy joker to zombies 'do u know how I got these scars??'

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I cleared my level in no time and I had my town clean. With natcha thira jenanlil vanam etti pakuthu BGM I started clearing all levels in no time.

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WTH!!! I kinda thought I was already with her. Affairs and relationship was always a milestone to me!!!

 I still got 85 percentage of the game to be completed to see my Spouse. I was confused whether to start killing zombies so that I can built my house and sauce my spouse or should shut the fish of my PC and get back to work?

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I wasn’t waiting for an answer as I had already started playing it.   

' Ya baby! Am coming for you! ' … I said to myself.

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WT…..

Where would I go for these accessories???

I didn’t wanna ask my friends. I had ditched many of them in their shitville. I wouldn’t dare to ask them.
I got another alternative. Killing a zombie would fetch me with chips by which I could get those accessories. My hunt for zombies started. But I was moving at a snail pace and I had no shot gun with me. I was confused what was happening to me. Later I got a pop up message that I lack energy and I need to refill.

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I hate hot dogs in general and hence I preferred a cheese burger.

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What the Fish..

I consoled myself that still it was a game and no hell of a monster in this world would dare to ask $3 for one cheese burger in a virtual game.

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I did those proceedings…and….

WTF……it wasn’t a game rather it was a black market of depredation that decoys our attention in some virtual gaming shit and filch our money. I was about to get ruined. I would rather order a bucket chicken with that $3 in real and get a full energy level to trash those guys who invented these kinda games.

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Without further ado I closed the window.

That was the height of humiliation on would have ever got and I stood first in that queue.

That was how I hated zombies.

 Moral of the story: please stop expecting moral in all stories.



Bday bumps

Bday makes the world realize how old you are becoming. Sometimes the dearth of maturity is alarmed by this birthday and the gifts. Gifts like ‘pencil-eraser, pencil with in-built eraser’ in kindergarten would mean us a lot. ‘Hero pen’ in our 2nd standard means a lot to us, when we got the first promotion of transformation from using HBs to Ink pen. I was arduously expecting my 2nd std so that I can use Hero pen, splash ink on THE GIRLS during every examination hall and after last exams.

Every kindergarten and primary classes have two categories of guys, Cool guys – hard core guys

The cool guys splash diluted ink or sometimes ink with lemon so that the dirt can be easily washed away. The hard core guys splashed ink along with juices from banana tree and its other products to make the stain indelible on THE GIRLS proving their bravery to the class.

Toppers make an exception leaving them undisturbed. Complaining-gals, less scoring gals, gals who don’t share their tiffin boxes were given additional shots.

The ‘Harry potter posters’ in 6th standard, 'football' in 7th, 'Hercules thriller' in 9th…. and ….. the greeting card with ‘open with a :)’ tag in the adolescence. Gifts are not only meant for making our birthday special, rather they form the nitty-gritty of our nostalgic memories.

Bday bumps are exclusively bestowed for all hostélites of boarding school as it was the only means of entertainment for us. Bumps to birthday guys were like medicine feed to a growing child for his/her well being. The birthday eve ….

Mission search and rescue: Every birthday baby (baby is the word coined for every birthday buffalo) have their hide out half and hour prior to the midnight in any possible place of the hostel, such as – under cover of any room that has no connection, store room , stair case, toilets of some other floor. The search and rescue mission starts at quarter to 12. The team will be divided into two as the alpha team and beta team.

Alpha team - with lots of friends who dare to knock other’s doors in the middle of the night and sneak under their bed and closets.

Beta team – who can jump the walls of any heights and can heartlessly bang every single toilet until they hear a different voice. If the victim remains silent for a while then the beta team would dare to jump in (with the hope of expecting decency in return) and rescue the baby for the ‘Operation bumps’.

Operation bumps: Every single katas, punches, kicks, knocks, slippers, brooms and other auspicious accessories would bless the baby, testing all his spare parts.

Mystery behind the bed sheet: (author disclaims responsibility for any unwanted excitements, the title creates) The thinner most bed sheet is used to cover the baby after his warm up. Like in the ‘karate kid’ the baby would be given a Shot-in-all directions training program to improve his reflexes. Pillows and towels were used in this juncture.

Shower: After extensive warm up and other abdominal exercises the baby would be take for a shower.

Now the baby becomes a test piece for all laboratory experiments. Detergent powder from every room, unused tooth paste of some tidy legends, dates, fruits, and whatever available would be mixed to a true solution. Now this true solution is diluted and made into several buckets. The pooja starts with guys splashing it all over the baby celebrating like rituals. This ceremony would go up to 2 pm or until the baby attains Mukthi Nilai, whichever is further. 

It was the time we felt relieved from all our board exam tensions and boarding school stress.

Now we got split into several pieces. Some of the guys who threw sand on my bday cursing ‘happy bday da, intha saavu’ with those oxymoronic anxious statements became doctors, beta team guys as engineers, a few as assistant film directors, DRDO, Army, Navy, Managers…....

Punch of the blog:

                   birthdays are iterative, but

                     bumps are indelible.

TALES OF A DOG

Opening scene has an Ad stating “ Smoking is injurious to health”, “do not spit in theatre”, “All Indians are our brothers and sisters”, “All dogs shown in this movie are computer graphics ”

Scene 1–06:00 AM

Bajana Mandapam – near Trichy situated along NH 45

Situation : it was jus after a heavy rain. The highways douched with mud. Winds howled with a cool breeze with nobody in the visible range on either side of the road, …… except a Dog couple rebuking each other trying to dominate their ego along the road side. The conversation went so hard that a Dog finally went mad and started shouting to its core without realizing that…..(camera zoomed out to a greater height from above such that it covers a larger area ) ..a SETC bus was coming ahead…

Scene 2 – 06:30 AM

A Dog’s IT firm situated in the outskirts of Chennai near NH 45

Dog C: ‘enna try panra Jessie(her nick name). ethuvumey oru periya vishayam illanu prove panna try panriya ? this is unfucking believable ‘

Dog D: ‘ I hate u ‘

Dog C:‘ thank yo’ HHHHHHHHHHHHornn followed by a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaash………………..

Scene3 – 05:45 AM

Bajana Mandapam

Situation: Dog A was busy with its Annual Target Production. While Brahmins as strolling minstrel, singing their bajans in their traditional costume in the auspicious Margali Masam, gave a dirty look at those Dogs.

Dog A: What the hell these homo sapiens need at this moment? Are we disturbing them?

Dog B: Am I mamiyaar or saamiyaar? I am not the dog who took the footage in samiyaar’s bedroom? Why can’t they control their curiosity?

Dog A: shut up u bitch! I am swami’s devotee.

Dog B: hey stop calling me like that you son of a bitch!

Dog A: I heard you *** **like your bro ***

Dog B : your mom ****** Dad ****** , ********

(These censored version went for another 20 twenty minutes as each of their mom, dad, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, cousin, nephew, niece came into picture uninvited)

Brahmins heard no bajan but an incessant cacophonous dog’s bark which made them threw stones. The conversation went so hard that a Dog finally went mad and started shouting to its core without realizing that…..(camera zoomed out to a greater height from above such that it covers a larger area ) ..a SETC bus was coming ahead…Dog A decided to take decision using its sixth sense. Before it could realize dogs do not have sixth sense DDDDDDashh it got hit by the SETC bus at 06:00 AM.

Scene 4 – 06:29 AM

Dog’s It firm

Dog C was assigned with a project by its Project manager.

Target : crossing the NH45

Situation : a tourist bus was heading at 80 kmph which was 20 feet ahead

At present: Dog crossed 5 feet from the source and it was 10 feet behind the destination

Confusion: should it walk backward or proceed forward?

Dog C to PM: Sir obstruction ahead. Unable to achieve the target on time. I reckon we should hold this order and shelve this project right now. Permission to return back

PM: hm.. negative.. proceed forward.

Dog C: but sir? Obstruction is 14 feet ahead. If I start running now at a speed of 25 kmph I can cross the road and reach the target with my life at stake without knowing what is coming on the other side of the road. Else if I make a move backward with a speed of 5 kmph I can be safe. Do u copy that?

PM: ‘ahem’adjusting its neck tie, ‘negative’

(situation was getting worse and Dog C was about to explode in full throttle, meanwhile he heard a sweet bark with inappropriate proportion of love, possessiveness and fear)

Dog D: (in her natty wedding gown) Darling don’t cross the road now! I stopped my marriage. I came for you and I need u for the rest of my life

Dog C: ‘enna try panra Jessie(her nick name). ethuvumey oru periya vishayam illanu prove panna try panriya ? this is unfucking believable ‘

…………(further dialogues were plagiarized from VTV)…………

Dog D: ‘ I hate u ‘

Dog C:‘ thank yo’ HHHHHHHHHHHHornn followed by a daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash………

Scene 5 – 08:00 AM

NH 45 –The same SETC bus coming from Trichy and a tourist bus coming from Chennai collided with each other.

Those were the deleted scenes of Engayum Eppothum. Director decided to cut short the film for a ‘U’ certificate. With the help of kodampakkam leaks I present with these.

Nice love story isn’t?



REVOLUTION 2020

As I was arduously waiting for Chetan’s Revoultion2020 I pen down with few of my thoughts, but I will try my level best not to move close as a book review.

Few lines that drove me,

Life may not offer you the same chance twice!

“Your birthday is over gopal ! “I said loudly to the only person in the room

When girls use vague terms like ‘generally‘, it is cause for specific concern. Or maybe not. It could be my overactive mind.

A tale of an AIEEE cum JEE screwed up guy fighting with AICTE and UGC at its culmination, striving hard with his life, love, lust and optimism in him-amidst confusion of friend ah?? Figure ahh??

Arthi,a teenager (as Chetan high fives his female lead as the most beautiful wateva in this ambit) A girl of labile nature go bonkers between the JEE guy and JEE sucked guy whoever has the success ball in ther court. I reckon if Perarasu can film from the girl’s perpective with Priyamani as protagonist with Sun pictures as media partner, Red giant and other media freak as supporters can hit the previous block busters outskirts. I guess Arthi would have seen Arya 2 in her adolescence.

JEE guy a revolutionist, left his engineering for Journalism

The story goes as who will reach the pinnacle of success?, who will go for the most beautiful ?

Apparently the story has Chetan’s pattern of expressing the allegory from the perspective of protagonist, love romance, the obvious Chetan’s sex tale in last few chapters.

PS: I have not disclosed anything beyond the back cover

Disclaimer: Chetan is not responsible if you think this book has some sorta exotic coherence with the previous 4 books. Maybe he should patent his style of elucidation

Bottom line: 3 idiots from same state did 3 mistakes

Spoiler: mistakes are emended

INFLATION strikes MUTTON SOUP

The world is worrying about inflation, price rise, recession, crude oil.. gold…lotsa….

But I didn’t realize the effect and implications of price rise until that evening. (ok! Petrol prices makes an exception here)

2nd September 2007

It was a typical weekend evening and we were so tired of being idle. It was time for us to freshen up and spend the rest of the night chatting with friends and proliferating gossips. We had our jetpacks ready to start (our Thriller cycles had its air filled :P).

We randomly searched for some shop that can suffice our gluttonous appetite within the limited budget we had. Finally we met our Sadai Soup (the board on the vehicle says). The soup shop was so famous that all brand four wheelers were finding it difficult to park their vehicles and ordered their soups in the congested kalaignar nagar street. The mutton soup cost Rs 6.00 and I liked it very much not because it was cheap. But the delicious ingredients made us regular week end customers. Bicycle ride on Saturday evening became our routine. Later after every semester end it became a place of mourning. An abode of gossip.

After a year the price was Rs. 7.00, yet there wasn’t any minute degree depreciation in its taste factor.

Years passes by.,.

30th September 2011

After finishing our evening show I decided to leave for Vellore. I was driving in The longest mount road after a long time. By the time we crossed Sadaipet old memories flashed in our minds. “ Why can’t we try if the shop is still in existence” said my friend sitting behind. We almost forgot the route that took us with topsy and turvy of sadai, but this time in our bike.

“Sadai Soup welcomes you”. The board has changed, menu has changed (luckily the famous mutton soup was still on), especially rates. The mutton soup has gone up by 216 % in three years.

Finally infalation striked Saidapet....

Yet the taste has not changed a bit....

PS: the shopkeeper recognized us while we went to pay our bills. We were so happy about it, until he said  “ sir oru mutton soup 13 rupaa” :P


PPS: somehow i connected the title with the content .. am I ?



watan idea sir jee ???

77 percent of the total populations in India were Below Poverty Line. Planning commission decided not to allow such situation persist in future. “ either you decrease the quantum of people below poverty line or you lower the margin of poverty line” Wat an idea sir jee? Claims Beggars. A torn towel with dowdy cloths in a busy street like T nagar would fetch any class of beggars more than 300 bugs of non taxable fiscal revenues a day. If you unload a banana truck it would fetch you Rs 30 in half and hour(Link). In that case Planning Commission’s decision on lowering the minimum income per day for BPL as Rs 25 prove its feeblemindedness.

I had a precognition of the future 2020 beggars, how planning commission had them succumbed.

I earned Rs 26  yesterday and I am rich. I can’t beg any more in scorching sun. I need my sunglasses.

I am sitting in SEZ. Your donations will be accounted as deemed exports. Credit cards are accepted.

The dollar value has depreciated baby.  Leaks from Wall Street say bankruptcy had proliferated in the outskirts. We can exchange it once the recession ceases.

I am rich already. This is jus for passion

and the last one,.

Hey don’t you dare to interlope while I try my PIN number.



FIGMENTS OF KINDERGARTEN

Fantasies in kindergarten were an obvious part of educational curriculum where we build our own world with the dearth of knowledge. Movies played a major role in directing our imaginations. Sometimes we presume they were real until we found the truth.

It was my first day in class one. Our miss (teacher is referred as miss in most of the schools) congratulated us for getting promoted to the next level of life (I still got no idea what was the next level she mentioned). Later she asked every one to introduce themselves to the class, to tell their ambition and reason. Everybody started introducing themselves. All girls said their life ambition is to become a Doctor and guys as Engineer. Later it was my turn. I had a bad idea that all Engineers would finally involve in constructing houses (after watching the movie Anjali) and I hate that. “Doctor” I shouted with a big smile. Suddenly the class burst in laughter because we thought doctor was a profession of feminism and Engineering was a cool guy’s profession. After ensconcing the clamor our teacher encouraged me with ‘GOOD KEEP IT UP’. I felt grateful to her for becoming an engineer finally and to work with Excel sheets (construction would have been much better)

Well that’s not what I meant to tell.

Every one will have their own imaginations in kindergarten and I am sharing what was my mentality after watching each movie.

Starting from

1. Jagan mogini – every banyan tree is a ghost’s guest house.

2. Nalla neram -- animals are genius than mankind

3. Pati solla thattathey—when cars can fly why not wright brothers?

4. Aladdin--I started rubbing every lamp in my home

5. Jurassic park-- every mosquito is capable of giving birth to a dinosaur

6. Guna—u love, u die

7. Captain vyom—My class teacher gave a wrong idea that aliens were Pakistan terrorists

8. Shakthiman—owner of Parle G

9. Varumaiyin niram sivapu—if u study you will become a barber

10. Swat cats—where can I get a craft to blast my school???

11. Rhythm—Never travel in a train

12. Kuruthi punal—Never travel in school bus

13. Gentleman—I will never become a doctor

14. Captain prabhakaran—watte family, watte man!!!

15. Sengottai—India is my country all Indians are my brothers and sisters

16. Popeye—I started scolding every shopkeeper for not having spinach

17. Anjali—Engineers should never go for a third child

And finally

18. Rape scenes—I was confused why the volcano should erupt,  why the tiger should catch its prey at this time, how come the rising tides freezes ???

PS: pics for your reference

Disclaimer:  any correlation with living or dead is strictly intentional and highly provocative.

The OniOn nOOdle

I was using my mobile torch…searching…. searching…. until I saw a feeble light, which was my own reflection in dark pupils. There was a sense of gratitude and wrath flaunts in its eyes. I can never escape as it was a perfect stalemate. I am done!!!...,


This blog is about my hungry friend (name not to be mentioned) who was trying it really hard to pamper his arduous appetite in the middle of night. For obvious reasons let you read this through his eyes.

My friend is referred as ‘I’ and his friend is referred as ‘him’ (definitely not me)

I: Dai machi I feel really hungry da.

Him: let’s try with bachelor’s recipe. Noodles!

I: It won’t taste nice da. Some kinda ingredient should be added to make it taste better. We need onion.

Him: but we don have it. Where can we get onion in this time??

I: Maybe we should search for it.

We were travelling in the middle of night with no idea!!!

I: Perseverance and confidence is still am nourished with.

Him: Poda vengayam

I: exactly

Him: WT... (in a state of bewilderment)

Fortunately the bread omlet valaas near IITM helped me at that juncture. Those bread omlet valaas had their under cover operations with shutter's closed to avoid unnecessary highway patrol bribing. I parked my bike nearby considering it safe and went under the shutter.

I and ‘him’ in cloud nine went through a short calculation with limited money we had and ordered few bread omlets.

After 15 minutes of waylay and 10 minutes of melee with bread...,

I: But still I have a ravenous tummy...

Him: COFFEE? I think a coffee can suffice our mental and gluttonous appetite.

We started riding in search of a coffee shop.

I: gotcha!!!

Next 10 minutes flashed with 2 rounds of coffee with few rounds of burping.

I: Machi still am not satiated.

Him: WAT??

I: I think we need some onion...

Him: (baffled with a big) WT..???

I didn’t listen to the rest rather I had my tires screeching...

.. Until we crossed a grocery shop.

Him: now WT... (this time with steep acclivity), it is closed. U expect them to wait with onions and confetti’s???

I: its time for adventure

Him: WT…



Before he gave a hoot I was half way through the compound walls. I was not trying to open its lock, but I was looking for some onion sack left unused. I was using my mobile torch…searching,,…. searching….until I saw a feeble light, which was my own reflection in dark pupils. There was a sense of gratitude and wrath flaunts in its eyes. I can never escape as it was a perfect stalemate. I am done!!!...,

The owner had his dogs left to guard the place. I was totally stupefied without a slightest idea of how to escape. Perfectly helpless I decided to call ‘him’, but I don wanna hear another WT... Running won’t be a better option though being a cross country gold medallist as the compound walls were so high that it can give the dogs ample time to taste my back. I don’t wanna let that happen.

I had to get the dogs distracted. HOW?

I started to flicker my light in a direction away from me.

Yes,

The dogs got distracted and it ran away lest the dogs were not genius. Back to life I decided to leave the place immediately. When I was about to run I hit myself with an old sack. It’s the onion. I got onion alas!!, like Siva had his last peg in VA quarter cutting.

I took onions enough  to cook a family pack noodles climbed over the wall, started the engine and in another half and hour I got my noodles ready to eat.

PS: the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient noodle is ........ONION. This time I heard him claiming WaTe noodles.

ALLEGORY

and I started riding my bike early in the morning while it was drizzling, towards Chennai. I was thrilled by the darkness and silence. It was disgusting to get skin irritation by the mild acid rain while I crossed Thirumalai chemical factory. The famous MBT (Madras Bangalore trunk road) is the most critical highways with high traffic of trucks screeching with industrious goods. I was doused with rain lancing into the wind enjoying the chillness, with a sigh of relief from muggy weather of previous days. Suddenly my engine started knocking. DAMN!!! I forgot to refill my tank. Petrol bunk is not too far but still there won’t be anyone to fuel it. Especially at 5:00 AM it’s really hard to find a bunk functioning. As I prejudiced the bunk was abandoned and I tried my level best to wake them up. It was hard to reach their souls from limbo of hangover.

I decided to stroll for another 2 kms though it started to rain heavily and i was left with no other option. The early morning riders gave me a weird look. “Petrol illa” I exclaimed in reflex with no idea why I said so. I didn’t get any reply either.

When I reached the highway i saw four trailors parked along their left side blocking almost half of the road. A sardhaji came out of the trailor approaching me. Thought I could offer him some help as a quid pro quo so that he may offer me some sorta ‘petrol help’. He showed me some invoices of raw materials. I was hardly reading, BHEL was the purchaser written on it. “it is my company” I got no idea how to explain him in Hindi. Somehow I managed him to explain that his destination is 2 kms away. As I was explaining him the beeline I saw a heavy duty Indane tanker raging along the side of parked trailors. He was cornered to travel along his right side (the wrong side) of the road for the next 10 seconds as the lengths of four trailors were so significant. As the vehicle was nearing I wondered how the visibility of the upcoming vehicle is so ostentatiously limpid in the dark. Generally upcoming highway vehicles will dare to bleak our vision with blaring high beam lights. Apparently I heard another screeching tires and engine melancholies in Doppler Effect that shrilled my ears. It was another truck loaded with my company’s finished goods travelling on the other side. The moment I began to realize it’s this truck responsible for the clear vision of tanker and Doppler effects few questions started streaming in my mind of how will he go? Cross the other truck?

My reflex was so slow that before it could converge to a solution that it’s gonna happen, it happened!!!

to be continued...,..

THE EDUCATED IDIOT

It was my train travel from Durgapur, Kolkata to Delhi. I was standing in Durgapur railway station for change of boarding place (maybe further details about why am changing, and other explanations is not required for this blog) to avoid unnecessary travel.

Two guys approached me to fill their reservation form. From their attitude and gesture I found out that they expect me to fill their reservation form. They started speaking in their local language (Bengali of course). I gave a weird look that made them realize, I don’t know Bengali.

They started sniggering to themselves. “Why in the world I should know Bengali?” I shouted to myself in anger. I decided to wriggle away from that place. But my consciousness poked me to help these guys out.

My 4 years of engineering, 8 semesters with 24 assessments taught me how to arrive answers from the most untidy ‘BIT’ written by anybody in my class. (atleast that was in English)

They tried so hard to make me realize the name of the train, boarding place, date of journey. “Khakan pal” said one guy.

What in the world “khakan pal” means.I know Amala pal, the girl with beautiful eyes. 

Frustrated guy is making an attempt to show is finger. I prayed not get the middle one from a Bengali guy. He traced his index finger on his forehead.I

OMG!!!

His name is Khakan pal. In no time I filled his name.

“ O ..O … Orange … O “ said Mr. Khakan pal

O for orange, A for apple and 24 other basic fundamentals were taught to me 20 years before. Why is he trying to reinforce my fundamentals?

I realized the guy is lacking control of temper. Probably I should ask him for four options and a fifty fifty or should go for audience help. He started making circles in the reservation chart.

“KHOKAN PAL !!!” I got it and I was so excited about it. Expected a bhil kul sahi jawab from him( as I know the meaning for this statement ALONE)

Rather he gave me a nasty look and muffled something in Bengali. Probably he would have scolded me like what to do with this EDUCATED IDIOT.

“Bad things always happen to Philanthropist” I consoled myself.

After successful completion of my first round getting no prize as reward I moved to the second mission of filling the second half. Details like applicant name, address, phone number moreover signature should be filled. I gulped. I can’t escape telling this is out of syllabus. I got numerous questions to be answered like How to get his address? By drawing a house besides the reservation chart? (Maybe my Engineering drawing can help me a little bit)

Shall I fill in with my particulars? What if he is a terrorist? I felt ashamed of my anticipation.

Somehow I managed to get his address and made him sign. He drew something as signature and got away telling “@#$%&”

What I could be?

Fcuk off?

Learn better English?

Thankyou ?

Wateva …